Twilight’s "New Moon" and other concerns


Do not watch “New Moon.” Please.

Do NOT attempt to waste your money in a theater (that will have you stand because tickets run out so fast) or on overpriced popcorn or a movie that is really insulting to the intelligence.

I beg you. PLEASE save your IQ points.

Give P120 to the homeless! Buy yourself something worthwhile like a nice novel at the Book Sale. Donate it to charity. Just don’t make Stephenie Mayer or the folks producing the “New Moon” franchise any richer.

I only had to watch it because as Lifestyle sub-editor, I am tasked to write things about what’s “in” on occasion. And the sequel to Twilight is definitely “in.”

Not because it’s cool or anything, but because it’s the center of Hollywood attention at the moment (except for Tiger Woods crashing his car and his wife hitting his car with a golf club).

But I swear, it was so BAD. Like, Jesus F. Christ, why am I watching this film when I could be reading a nice book or like, eating some dumplings.

10 minutes into the film, these guys in front of us walked out. That was smart.

My boyfriend, who accompanied me (more like, succumbed to force), was looking so pissed in his seat as we were watching. Haha. And then we realized this was our first movie date ever.

He tells me something like, why did it have to be “New Moon”? I said we can blot out the painful memory of that day and pretend like it never happened. So that the next time we watch a movie (like, say, “Avatar”) then we can say we had a passably good first movie date.

My “New Moon” review can be read here. I think I was pretty fair about it, actually, considering how bad the film is.

P.S.

You think this is bad? Wait until the sequels to New Moon.

Wait until Bella gets pregnant with Edward’s demon baby, and wait until Kristen Stewart shows us her bruised and veiny baby bump, and wait until they have a really icky sex scene with their wooden expressions and pillow feathers, and JUST YOU WAIT until Edward turns her into a vampire with a syringe because only a vampire vagina can support the birth of a superstrong bloodsucking baby named (wait for it….) Renesmee.

Okay? Now you go and think about that for a moment, and see how your ticket purchase for New Moon is actually funding two more stupid sequels. Think about that.

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